Bud,
Thanksgiving morning and, shocker, I'm up early for no reason. I see every person posting what they're thankful for. Part of me says, ugh! But a bigger part of me, the part of me writing this down, does have a lot to be thankful for.
I am thankful for Lilly and for EVERYTHING she brings to my life. Without her I would have no sense of purpose.
I am thankful that you were able to stay at home with her since she was born. You instilled in her so much in those almost 5 years.
I am thankful that we were able to travel and see so much together. Those are memories that I will cherish with me for my lifetime.
I am thankful for your friends that care about Lilly and I so much. They're always here for both of us even with their own busy lives..
I am thankful for all of my friends and family who are so supportive. Their unconditional love has been felt every single day.
Lastly,
I am thankful for the 17 years I was able to spend with you. Although, just the thought of you can be hard to bear sometimes. Every picture will tell a story about us to Lilly and every memory, even the little tiny ones, bring a smile and comfort to me.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
a month means nothing
Bud,
I wrote nothing to you in the month of October.
To be honest I started writing something about twenty times but never completed anything. Not because I was constantly keeping busy or because I didn't want to. I think because everytime I wrote I got a bit frustrated.
Frustrated that you're not here. Frustrated that writing is the only option. Frustrated that every single thing that happened in October you had to miss.
Going on the seventh month of you being gone and it feels like it was just the sixth month, the fifth month, even the first month. A month means nothing. That is the most frustrating part. How much can happen in just one month (your birthday, Marcie's wedding, Lilly was Star Student, Disneyland a few times, Halloween) and yet for every single event it takes me 30 minutes to even get out of bed that morning, knowing that it has to be done without you there.
And yet for most, a month means a lot. Family and friends that were just finding out they were pregnant when you died are now in the home stretch, babies have been born, best friends have gotten married; as is life, time goes happily by. I feel like I'm in one of those movie scenes where everything is going on so quickly around me and I am standing still in the middle of it all.
So the month that you were always so excited for has come and gone. And with friends and family around us all the time, truely being as supportive as can be my biggest frustration still: Loneliness.
I miss you every day and love you more then words.
Luv Ya,
Jenn
I wrote nothing to you in the month of October.
To be honest I started writing something about twenty times but never completed anything. Not because I was constantly keeping busy or because I didn't want to. I think because everytime I wrote I got a bit frustrated.
Frustrated that you're not here. Frustrated that writing is the only option. Frustrated that every single thing that happened in October you had to miss.
Going on the seventh month of you being gone and it feels like it was just the sixth month, the fifth month, even the first month. A month means nothing. That is the most frustrating part. How much can happen in just one month (your birthday, Marcie's wedding, Lilly was Star Student, Disneyland a few times, Halloween) and yet for every single event it takes me 30 minutes to even get out of bed that morning, knowing that it has to be done without you there.
And yet for most, a month means a lot. Family and friends that were just finding out they were pregnant when you died are now in the home stretch, babies have been born, best friends have gotten married; as is life, time goes happily by. I feel like I'm in one of those movie scenes where everything is going on so quickly around me and I am standing still in the middle of it all.
So the month that you were always so excited for has come and gone. And with friends and family around us all the time, truely being as supportive as can be my biggest frustration still: Loneliness.
I miss you every day and love you more then words.
Luv Ya,
Jenn
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| Mike's Birthday 2008 |
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