Guilty

Bud,

It's technically Easter, just after midnight.  In the weeks leading up to this weekend I wasn't sure how I would feel.  We had your 1 month anniversary on Friday and now today, Easter without you.  It's not like it was some HUGE holiday for you/us, it's just the first of many to creep up on me.  Now I know exactly how I feel about because I have been feeling this often about things lately, guilt.

I know that, as much as I would like it to, time does not stop.  Each day and what it has in store still smacks me in the face every morning.  But the guilt is what has been really packing a punch.  Not the guilt of your passing and what surrounds that, but the guilt of actually having to do these things, every single day, and with a smile for Lilly.  We went to Big Bear on Friday and really did have a good time! KC and Kristin were awesome and had so much in store for us and Lilly it was awesome.  But here it goes... having fun with Lilly in the snow(guilt), watching your Lakers while BBQing dinner(guilt), going fishing on the lake this morning(guilt), watching Lilly cast here line almost better than me(guilt), stopping at Jensen's on our way home and seeing your fav cookies(guilt), not making the time tonight to take Lilly to see you and drop off her pine cone that she brought you(guilt), ending the day at King Taco(guilt).  Think you get the picture. 

Everything that you would love, I can actually hear your voice, "you went without me?!?!"  The thing is, I know that you would want me to do these things, but the reality of doing them EVERYTIME without you is getting pretty heavy to handle.

So, here is a video I took of the snow angel that Lilly made, enjoy babe!

Luv Ya,

Jenn