With Us

Sharing a kiss on the Carousel

Bud,

We somehow did it.  One of the most difficult firsts for Lilly and I to get through, our first trip to Disneyland without you.  I didn't sleep last night thinking about it and this morning I could not have stalled anymore than I did.   I could actually hear you saying, "if you're gonna go today you better get going".  So we went.  I hid behind my sunglasses  right away, thank God it was so sunny out.  We went to CA Adventure first and to be honest, we had fun.  About half way through the day I got a text and I expected it to be from you, asking to send a picture of Lil, like you always did when you weren't with us. 

Lilly missed you when we went over to Disneyland.  That's when she had a hard time.  She said that she wished Daddy could be with us, even if just for five minutes.  I told her I did too.  Then she asked if it was OK to pretend that you were there.  I agreed and she didn't really say much else for a bit.  Then, just as we walked by the Mountain she called out for you, " Daddy catch up with us!" and made me stop the stroller to wait for you.  We did all her favorites: Carousel, Alice, Tea Cups, Small World, and ended with Winnie the Pooh.  When we got on the tram to come home, she asked if you could come with us and I told her that you would be waiting for us when we go back.  Then as we pulled away she yelled out to you " By Daddy, I miss you!"  Well, that about did it for me.  The people on the tram must have thought we were nuts between her waving to no one and me with tears down my cheeks.

We did have fun, that's the important part.  I knew it wouldn't be easy, there is literally nothing and know where that did not remind me of a  memory that we shared.  Oh, and I want to thank you for the awesome hat that we were lead to.  My new Billabong Bob Marley hat with the 3 Birds on it couldn't be more perfect.

We love you so much and miss you more than words.

Luv Ya,

Jenn